


We Used to be Friends a Long Time Ago

by armouredescort



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Inquisitor!Anders - Freeform, M/M, Secret Marriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-28
Updated: 2016-04-28
Packaged: 2018-06-05 01:42:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6684238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/armouredescort/pseuds/armouredescort
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Anders and Cullen were in the Circle, they secretly married during one of Anders' escapes. Now that Anders is the Inquisitor, they both have to deal with the fact that their husband is there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We Used to be Friends a Long Time Ago

**Author's Note:**

> Watch as this goes from OOC to horribly OOC, wobble about a bit, and then fall off the ledge into the "cool concept, poorly written" valley.
> 
> A [kinkmeme prompt](http://dragonage-kink.livejournal.com/16181.html?thread=62303797#t62303797)

Cullen was trembling. Whether from shock or exhaustion, Anders didn't know know, but the slight part to his mouth and the stare was genuine surprise.

"You–"

"I didn't blow up the Conclave," said Anders.

Ice crystals have formed on Cullen's eyelashes, and the drifting snowfall (so beautiful, and if he weren't being prodded by several guards, he'd stop to watch them melt on Cullen's face) settling on the furs on Cullen's shoulders.

"He says his name is Ansehelm," said Cassandra.

"Ansehelm," Cullen repeated.

He'd said it so many times before. Never in the presence of others. One hand lifted from the pummel of his sword and then dropped from the aborted movement.

"I can vouch for him," said Cullen.

"What?" said Cassandra flatly.

"I can vouch for him. He was in the Circle."

Which Circle, Cullen didn't specify. Then there was too much to think about and Anders was dragged through to the other side of the mountains.

***

They finally talk privately after several months, once they have reached Skyhold. In between their first meeting and Skyhold, their distance was more painful now that they faced one another on a day to day basis, and they had to pretend they knew nothing about one another. Anders wanted to ask about the scar on Cullen's lip, wanted to trace the edges of it. Cullen wanted to ask about Anders' blunt haircut, the trimmed beard, wanted to touch the beard and card through the short locks on Anders' head. But mostly, they want to talk, to ask "why, why, why?"

They do none of these things for several months, wary of the numerous eyes watching in Haven and in Skyhold. What would a former Templar want with a Mage of dubious origins? There was no logical reason for them to associate with one another outside of Inquisition duties, and so Anders made an excuse one night, clutching paperwork and giving Josie's messenger a break, and knocked on Cullen's door.

"Inquisitor," said Cullen, rising from his desk. "I wasn't expecting you."

"One must grasp their opportunities when given," replied Anders.

Cullen paused. It had been a phrase between them when they were in the Fereldan Circle. He held out his hands for the paperwork. Anders passed it to him, but didn't let go of the folder.

"You are a master of opportunism," Cullen said.

Anders let go, and Cullen stumbled back, as he had been pulling on the folder unconsciously, as if clutching to a lifeline, and had been surprised by the release.

They had never been a shouting couple. They didn't intend to start now. Shouting was associated with too many bad memories and if they were going to work through their past in Kirkwall, then they didn't need to shout while doing it.

"You blew up the Chantry. After saving all of those lives in your clinic, you blew up the Chantry," said Cullen.

"You didn't stop Meredith," said Anders.

"I was afraid."

"So was I."

Cullen shuddered, his chest heaving, and in the candlelight, Anders could see tears rolling down his face. He looked so young. Like when they had been in the Circle together. Anders suspected that Cullen had been holding back these tears for so long.

"Ansehelm, I'm sorry," Cullen gasped. "I'm sorry, I should have done more and I didn't, and you should have done less and you didn't and we're here now, and we have to deal with this."

His fingers clenched the folder of paperwork and he dropped his head. Anders took a few steps towards him, and Cullen closed the gap, nearly collapsing against Anders. Arms pulled Cullen into Anders' chest, rubbing gently at the nape of his neck as Cullen wept into his shoulder.

"I missed you," said Anders. "And if I had the chance to do over, I would have never have blown up the Chantry. I would have convinced Orsino to escape with his Circle. Brought about the rebellion in another way. But I would have still started it."

He buried his face, trying to push back the emotions that threatened to spill forth, but failed, and the two slowly sank to the floor in a heap, clutching one another, paperwork forgotten, and cried until they settled into an occasional sniffle.

Maker, Anders had missed being hugged. Cullen was so broad, like Hawke had been broad, and being held by those arms as Cullen rearranged himself to pull Anders very nearly into his lap was bliss.

"Do you still have our certificate?" asked Anders.

"Yes."

The only document that could prove that Cullen had known who Anders really was prior to their reunion. And with Varric promising to keep Ander's identity a secret, there were only two people in Skyhold who knew the truth. Two people that wouldn't.

"I wasn't faithful," said Anders.

Anders tensed for a bad reaction. They hadn't exactly promised not to have sex with others, but they also hadn't exactly had the chance to discuss that either.

"I do not condemn you for that," said Cullen. "As long as you enjoyed yourself."

"I did," said Anders.

He had enjoyed himself many times. With many different people.

"Then that's not something we should worry about," said Cullen.

"What about you?"

"What about me? I didn't have sex. I didn't want to. You know how it makes me uncomfortable," said Cullen. "You didn't do anything wrong by having sex with other people."

They broke apart to study one another's faces. Anders cupped Cullen's face, rubbing his thumbs over Cullen's cheekbones.

"I can't say that I feel the same way about your beard," Cullen continued.

"I like my beard."

"On Hawke."

"Fair point," Anders conceded. "But I did need a disguise."

Cullen brushed the beard with the back of one hand. It wasn't as prickly as he had expected. Almost fluffy. The cut of the beard made his face look wider, which wasn't a bad thing, different though. There was a few streaks of ginger in it, along with a streak of grey.

"You're still handsome," said Cullen.

The world hadn't been kind to Anders, but he managed to come out of it relatively unscathed appearance-wise. Yes, there were wrinkles at the corners of his eyes and a few in his brow, but he was as handsome as he had been when he was young.

"I wouldn't say that," said Anders. "Especially not after we've spent the past hour sobbing."

Cullen sighed and pulled Anders into a hug.

"I still love you," Cullen murmured.

"I love you too," replied Anders.

He pressed a kiss to Cullen's forehead, sleeping magic on his lips and he felt Cullen's hands grip his arms tightly.

"I must be in the Fade. You're a demon, you're trying to seduce me," Cullen gasped, trying to fight off the sleeping spell.

He grabbed at Anders' robe weakly.

"I won't give in–I w-won't."

"Cullen? You're with me," soothed Anders.

"Tell me something only we know. Something that a demon impersonating you wouldn't," demanded Cullen.

The sleeping magic wasn't meant to be fought against – the more you fought, the quicker it worked and Cullen was slipping under fast. It was meant for patients and had a small delay to make sure they were in a bed, but only if they didn't fight it.

"You have freckles on your back, and we shared our first kiss in the library in the potions section," said Anders.

Cullen smiled.

"It really is you," he whispered, and succumbed to the spell.

***

They talked it out the next day over breakfast. Anders had long since fled the Circle by the time it was attacked and he hadn't trusted the Kirkwall rumour mill to tell him the truth about what had happened to Cullen in the meantime.

"I was tortured. They presented fantasies to me and they hurt to push away because I wanted them. I wanted to accept. They became more and more realistic as they dove deeper into my mind, but they didn't find you and that's what gave me the strength to push those fantasies away. Because they didn't have you in them," said Cullen.

Which explained a lot. It didn't excuse his actions but it did explain most things.

Anders buttered a pastry and ate as Cullen spoke.

"When you tried to get me to sleep, I was back in that place. They tried to make me sleep as well," Cullen continued. "I apologise for panicking."

"I should have asked first," said Anders.

"Ask next time," said Cullen. "And we can call it even. It was the best sleep I'd had in a long time."

It hadn't been easy to get Cullen up to his bed, as Anders had floated him up to the first level of the building and dropped him onto his bed. He didn't presume to have permission to undress Cullen, but took off his boots and sword.

This morning the dark smudges under Cullen's eyes had lessened and it was a late breakfast. Whatever he was using on his curls was wearing off, turning into gentle waves and a slightly ravished look as several locks fell into his eyes. Cullen was relaxed. The first time he had been relaxed in Anders' company for a long time.

"I will," promised Anders.

They had the rest of their meal in companionable silence, until Cullen went to his desk and pulled out a box. He handed it to Anders.

"You can do what you like with the contents," said Cullen.

He dropped his gaze to the table. It was a pretty, slender box, and when Anders unlocked it, there was a collection of papers inside. Letters. Letters that Cullen had written but never sent because how can you send a letter to a hidden apostate? They stopped just as Cullen received orders to go to Kirkwall.

Underneath these was a small velvet pouch with two simple rings inside, made of silverite and enamel. One was decorated with Anders's favourite blue-green colour, shifting under the light like the glossy feathers of a bird. The other was a deep red, streaked with gold.

However the red one would never fit on Cullen's fingers. It was meant for Anders. It was a wedding ring.

"How long have you had these?" asked Anders.

"Since you left the Circle," Cullen admitted.

He gestured for Anders to keep looking, and finally there was the envelope with their marriage certificate in it. Their handwriting was shaky. They'd been so nervous, afraid they'd have their ceremony interrupted by Templars, that they would be torn apart.

Two months of anxiety and running from town to town until they agreed Cullen would bring Anders in and claim to have "found" him in a village. They wanted freedom but freedom wasn't ready for them.

Anders put the contents back inside and closed the box. He tried to give it back to Cullen, but Cullen refused.

"It's yours," he said.

"You said I could do as I pleased with it and I think you've taken good care of these. You might as well continue to," said Anders.

"Do you not want to burn the certificate?" asked Cullen.

"I don't see why I should. You still want to be my husband, do you not?"

Cullen nodded. Anders slid the box across the table.

"Well, we can be adults about it and figure it out," said Anders.

"You're worth that much," said Cullen. "And more."

He stroked the lid of the box.

"I love you," said Cullen.

"I love you too."

**Author's Note:**

> I also made up that Anders' real name is Ansehelm.


End file.
